Red Bull, Hustle Culture, and Rest

The past two weeks have been hectic. They’ve been busy and, as a result, I’ve had little sleep. Deadlines, projects, travel, and events. I’ve burned the candle at both ends, if you will. And through all that, I’ve thought about rest. What it means to me and how my relationship with rest has changed since moving north. I’ve even been irritated with myself for my seeming inability to withstand sleepless nights or power through hours and hours of work without coming up for air in the way that I once could. What’s wrong with me, I’ve wondered.

I used to pride myself on the number of Red Bulls I drank in a day. Normally four. No joke. They’re sugar free, I told myself, unwilling and perhaps unable to see the irony in that statement. 

Immersed in hustle culture, I boasted of three hours of sleep. Sleep, I believed, was for the weak! I worked several jobs while in school full time. I craved busyness. I recall a time when, while in school, I picked up a research job that would require some overnight shifts. All this, while still working my regular day-time job and teaching. Was this wise? Absolutely not. Did I do it anyway? You bet. 

I shudder at the memory. The outlook. The havoc it must have wreaked on my body. But we live and learn, don’t we?

Terms like boss babe and hustle culture are a staple in modern society. They signify a way of life that vilifies rest and celebrates the grind. Although I have never referred to myself as a ‘babe’ (boss or other), I sought to be identified as someone who hustled. Hustled for success. Hustled for accolades. Hustled to be the best. 

Looking back, I see that I had it all wrong and I wonder what elements of hustle culture are redeemable, and which are just downright garbage. 

Recently, a series of memes circulating on social media reference the ‘moss girl’. Moss girl prioritizes balance, self-love, and connection. She covets nature and a slow pace of life. The moss girl way of being exists in direct opposition to girl boss culture, and that’s what draws me to it. At this point in my life, I identify with the moss girl. I love moss girl. I want to be moss girl, and in some ways, I am moss girl, but in other ways, the shell of girl boss culture clings to me.

Admittedly, there is privilege attached to moss girl culture. The notion that the hustle and the grind can be merely cast aside in favour of a slower pace of life screams ‘Out of touch!’. After all, for many, the grind, no matter how grueling, does not even guarantee mouths fed, tanks full, roofs overhead. However, girl boss and hustle culture fail in their view of rest. They assumes that “rest” is monosemic, and therein lies the problem.

Since moving north, my relationship with rest has changed significantly. I’ve not only learned to value rest, but I prioritize it. I’ve discovered that rest can take forms other than sleep. I recognize now that I require time alone and time in nature in order to re-charge. These things are in themselves, for me, forms of rest. And yet, I still get things done. So I’m starting to wonder if the former me was a bit more a hamster on a wheel and a little less than a plough horse. Maybe I inflated my idea of productivity? Maybe a little rest would have resulted in better regulated, more connected and therefore more even-keeled hard-working me.

Of course, I’ll never know.

But I can say that consciously regenerating makes me feel calmer and happier. And I’m guessing that that might translate into productivity. After all, rest and regenerating are not the same as laziness.

I can’t knock hustle culture. I get the energy. The drive. The pure exhilaration of that. And surely, it’s not all toxic. Because there’s a lot to be said for hard work. We need it to complete a project, to get a business up and running, to get through challenging times. Hard work is satisfying. It’s necessary. And it’s through hard work that incredible things can be achieved. 

Thing is, I haven’t heard moss girl culture wanting to ban hard work. So maybe we have to take a step back and recognize it’s not one or the other, but more that life needs balance. We need balance. And we have to know, each of us, what that balance looks like on a personal level. 

What works for me may not work for you, and what worked for me ten years ago may not work for me now. Bottom line, I no longer rely on Red Bulls. I’m thinking that has to mean something.